The "The"

 

Some years ago a colleague announced that she was going for an eye appointment. So, relishing an opportunity for snarkiness, I asked, “Which eye?”

The moment prompted me to think about an oddity in English usage. And who was she going to see? The eye doctor. Not an eye doctor. Like the rest of us, she spoke as if there were only one eye doctor in all of Spokane.

Or take the statement, “I’m going to the store to….” Again, not a store, but apparently the only retail outlet for miles around: the store.

I’m not sure why we do that. Everyone hearing our use of the definite article knows we’re not implying there’s only one eye doctor or one store. But then we’d say something like, “I heard from a neighbor that….” You wouldn’t say, “I heard from the neighbor….” unless your listener knew that you lived in the boonies and had only one neighbor. (The boonies… Only one of them?)

Then there’s the Ohio State University. Not just any old Ohio State University, but the Ohio State University. It’s not as if there are 27 other Ohio State universities (not to be confused with Ohio University). There’s just the one Ohio State. (Where, coincidentally, my daughter got her PhD.) But the institution insists on the the. Why? OSU takes the the so seriously that it has now officially trademarked that little word as part of its name. A prolonged legal battle culminated last month with the university getting permission to protect its university-branded clothing line with the Ohio State logo, a licensing and trademark operation that generates $12.5 million a year for the school.

An Oxford Dictionary project found that the is the most frequently used word in English. And now, thanks to OSU, its status is secure.

[300 words]

 

Welcome Aboard

At this stage of my life I’ve had to accept that I’ll never be the Prime Minister of Denmark. Nor will I ever pilot an Airbus 380. But something that is within reach is writing a blog.

And so I’m now committing to doing just that: You’re reading the first episode/installment/entry (what is the right word?) of what I hope will be a semi-monthly exercise.

Now, does “semi-monthly” mean half monthly, or every two weeks? Or every two months? Well, it’s the former. But wouldn’t it be easier just to say “every two weeks” and be done with it?

Yes, it would. So why didn’t I do that in the first place? I wanted an excuse to refer to my most recent book, Meet the Dog that Didn’tSh*t: 101 Reflections on Words and their Magic. It was released in January and in addition to discussing confusing usage (Semi-monthly? Bi-monthly?), it contains my discovery of unexpected words (like tyromancy, the ability to foretell the future by using cheese), and my grumbles or pet peeves in our language usage. Example: flight attendants telling you we have now begun our final descent. How many have we had so far? Also, it introduces the mysterious Lillian Virginia Mountweazel.

I keep finding new things that I could have added. Also from the airlines: Why do they tell me to gather my personal belongings? Do I have any other kind?

So this blog will be about words. I plan to reflect on whatever strikes me in the next two weeks about the way we use words—their use and abuse. I expect the tone will range from humorous to informational to whiny. Also, I will limit the reflections to 300 words. Why? You’re busy and you prefer short to long. Also, I’m lazy.

Welcome aboard.

PS: I have decreed that this PS doesn’t figure in the word count. I’ll at times link to other items. For your amusement, I’m linking here to a satirical piece I wrote for our local newspaper, The Spokesman-Review, a few months ago. I know of at least a couple of people who took it seriously. I’m also linking to Meet the Dog.