Who’s On First?—The Update

 

Who’s On First?—The Update

Who’s on first?

They are.

Who, Tom and Dick?

No, Harry.

You said they.

That’s Harry’s preferred pronoun.

What?

Harry’s preferred pronouns: they/them/theirs.

So they’re on first?

Yes.

Anyone on the other bases?

They are.

But you just said they are on first.

They are. That’s Harry.

Who are on the other bases?

They are.

Who are they?

Tom and Dick.

Do they have preferred pronouns?

Yes, I do.

No, I’m talking about Tom and Dick.

Yes.I isTom’s preferred pronoun.

You are? And shouldn’t you say, I am?

No, I am means me. My preferred pronouns are I/me/mine.

I thought we were talking about Tom.

I was. We were talking about me.

You are Tom?

Sort of.  I’m me. Tom is also me.

So who is Dick?

Dick is you.

Me? I’m Dick?

You is Dick’s preferred pronoun now.

What do you mean now?

He used to go by fee/fie/fo/fum. But you can have only three preferred pronouns. Otherwise it can cause confusion.

So I have to honor these pronouns, whether they’re fee/fie/fo/fum or you/you/yours?

Yes; not doing so is impolite.

OK, to recap, they are on first, but they aren’t you or me?

Right.

What are your preferred pronouns?

Your majesty/superglue/kwaak.

But that’s ridiculous. Those aren’t pronouns. You can’t just make up pronouns.

I’m your majesty; I can do what I want.

So instead of saying, “I asked him to give me my AK47,” I’m supposed to say, “Your majesty asked him to give superglue kwaak AK47.”

Right.

That’s gibberish.

But you now know what I mean.

Will other people?

Does that matter?

Won’t all this confuse your coach, Buster.

You mean her.

Her?

Yes, she goes by she/her/hers. Don’t ask. It’s not polite.

Doesn’t this pronoun stuff lead to confusion?

For whom?

Oh, look, whom’s now on first.

[300 words]