I'll Be Your Server

 

I’ll Be Your Server

Gordon: Thanks for agreeing to be interviewed today about your blog, “Three Hundred Words With Gordon Jackson.”

Alter Ego: My pleasure.

Gordon: But isn’t this approach of interviewing yourself rather predictable? Clichéd, even?

Alter Ego: Yes.

Gordon: Oh. Well, let’s begin. Why did you settle on “300 words” for this blog?

Alter Ego: Good question. But first I’d like to mention that I have a new book out. It’s titled I’ll Be Your Server. It’s a series of brief reflections on servants in the Bible.

Gordon: What’s that got to do with 300 words?

Alter Ego: Well, the reader of the book will get a lot more than 300 words.

Gordon: How many?

Alter Ego: 37,109. All of them carefully chosen.

Gordon: Good. But I’d like to get back to our topic of your blog.

Alter Ego: Yes, yes—of course. But let me mention briefly that there’s an introductory section that describes the difference between the role of a servant in general and that of the Christian servant. Then, there’s a case study of Jesus as a servant, followed by the 34 individual studies of servants whose contributions are recorded in the Bible.

Gordon: We’re running out of words here. We’ve got only about 120 left for this blog entry.

Alter Ego: First, there are the well known servants, like David, Mary and Moses. Also the Archangel Gabriel, the only non-human servant mentioned. He’s especially interesting because he terrifies everyone he appears to.

Gordon: But about 300 words…

Alter Ego: Other well-known servants include Martha and her sister Mary and the innkeeper who doesn’t have room for Joseph and the pregnant Mary.

Gordon: And lots more who aren’t well known, yes?

Alter Ego: Yes. Like Eliezer and Malchus.

Gordon: But about your blog…

Alter Ego: You mean our blog…

[300 words]

 

A Course of Anti-Ambiguitals

 

A Course of Anti-Ambiguitals

[All these examples of misunderstood wording are real and recent.]

Doctor: “So what brings you here today?”

Me: “Well, doctor, English is my first language. Really, my only language. But I keep finding that I don’t understand things. It gets embarrassing.”

Doctor: “Can you give me an example?”

Me: “Sure. My wife and I were at a restaurant recently and saw a sign that said, ‘Please wait for the host to be seated.’”

Doctor: “Yes?”

Me: “Why were we supposed to wait for the host to be seated when we were the ones wanting seats?”

Doctor: “I see.”

Me: “Interestingly, he never did sit down. Here’s another example. On a recent flight I read in the safety instructions that seatbelts should be worn at all times. But mine looked quite new, and hardly worn at all. I asked the flight attendant if I could have a worn one and she didn’t seem to understand. Got quite snippy about it, actually.”

Doctor: “Hmmm…”

Me: “Then there was the visit to my local CVS pharmacy where they had a sign that said, ‘We have 15+ Vaccines.’ I asked the pharmacist if ‘15+’ were some new strain of COVID 19 or something similar. She didn’t understand what I was talking about. I persisted, though, and asked if my insurance covered the vaccine for 15+. She said she’d have to look into it.”

Doctor: “How long have you had this problem.”

Me: “As long as I can remember. Here’s another example: I got a T-shirt from a physiotherapist who treated me. It has the slogan, ‘Changing lives one injury at a time.’ Aren’t they supposed to be healing people?”

Doctor: “I think you might benefit from a course of anti-ambiguitals.”

Me: “Thank you.”

Doctor: “One suggestion: Get someone else to read you the directions.”

[300 words]