Famous Last Words
Supposedly, Lord Palmerston’s last words were, “Die, my dear
doctor? That’s the last thing I’ll do.” A witty comment from a former UK prime
minister.
But note supposedly. Or, as one of my dictionaries of
quotations specifies, “Attrib.” That is, attributed.
Other supposed or attributed last words were from Oscar
Wilde, who on his deathbed said of his new bedroom curtains, “Either they go,
or I do.” (Some sources say he was commenting on the wallpaper.)
That’s the trouble with these imaginative last words. Who
knows for sure that these were indeed their last spoken contributions. For one
thing, people in their last hours and minutes may be incoherent, hallucinating
or otherwise unclear.
But even if these various sayings were recorded accurately, can
we be sure that they were actually the last thing the person said?
Take Voltaire for example, a strident critic of Christianity
and the Catholic Church in particular. He supposedly responded to the priest
who was urging him to denounce Satan by saying, “Now is not the time to make
new enemies.” But did he say it? An alternative claim, citing the doctor
tending him, says that he cried out in despair, “I am abandoned by God and man!
I shall go to hell!”
He is usually credited with the first one; it’s more
entertaining and certainly less unsettling.
I can’t
predict if I’ll be hallucinating on my deathbed and saying things like, “Bring
me the penguin, Chucky,” or “Who’s eating my slippers?” If I’m coherent, will I
dispense desperate final instructions: “Remember that the Honda needs an oil
change”? Or pointless words of advice “Don’t sleep in the subway, darling.”
Alternatively,
maybe I’ll write my last words and silently point repeatedly to what I’ve
written. It might begin: “I’d like to tell you in 300 words…”
[300 words]
