What the H*ll…
Today we’ll look at the pseudo-sanitizing role of the
asterisk when you need to use taboo words that you cannot use. So we play a
curious game, as I did with the title of my book about words, Meet The Dog
That Didn’t Sh*t. Paradoxically, we use the taboo word without using the
word. Everyone who’s an English speaker, and older than maybe 9 or 10, knows
exactly what’s meant when you write f*ck, n*gger, or d*mn.
You’re not supposed to use these words in polite company. So
you engage in this peculiar exercise of using them without actually stating
them. The asterisk serves as a kind of neutralizing agent, or an insurance
policy, protecting you from any charge that you’re using a bad word while
you’re doing precisely that. Doing so is like driving with diplomatic plates;
you have absolute immunity. You haven’t violated current norms. Admittedly,
these norms are in constant flux; some previously taboo words now drop their
asterisks, while others now require them.
Let’s turn to my favorite joke about taboo words. (Taken
from Meet The Dog.)
Once there were two young brothers. The five-year-old
announced it was time for them to start using bad words. Of course, his
four-year-old brother agreed. The next morning Mom asked the boys what they
wanted for breakfast. Seizing the moment, the older boy said, “Oh, what the h*ll,
I’ll have Wheaties.” Horrified, the Mom spanked the boy, gave him a lecture on
acceptable words in their family, and sent him to his room hungry.
She then turned to the younger boy, terrified as he
watched what had happened. “And you?” she demanded. He replied, “Well, I’m not
sure, but you can bet your *ss it won’t be Wheaties.”
If only the boys could have incorporated asterisks into
their responses.
[300 words]
